


Panacea

by wrennette



Series: In the Dark Midwinter [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, Present Tense, Unrequited, archiving old words, episode tag: A Cure for All Ills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 17:17:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4795763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrennette/pseuds/wrennette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwen realizes she's been watching the wrong person all along</p>
            </blockquote>





	Panacea

**Author's Note:**

> Archiving from LJ. Originally posted 2008.
> 
> Disclaimer: All characters are property of the BBC. The author makes no profit and intends no offense.
> 
> Original AN: Set post ep. 06, "A Remedy For All Ills", and contains spoliers. Present tense. Prequel to In the Dark Midwinter.

Once Morgana is better, Gwen realizes just how silly she's been being these past days. Her mistress is more than just her employer, has been for a long time. But her mistress has become something more than friend and confidante as well. She's been obsessing over the raven dark curl of Merlin's hair behind his pale ear since she first saw him, and only when she was smoothing similarly dark hair away from a too hot alabaster brow did she realize just how devastated she would be if Morgana were to die. After that, she couldn't help but catalogue the little things that had drawn her to Merlin, and as she did, she matched each instance against something similar, but so much more dear in Morgana.

In apology, although she doesn't phrase it like that, Gwen brings Morgana flowers everyday for a week. They aren't half so fancy as the fragrant white bouquet that had arrived just before Morgana's illness. But they are bright colored and sweet smelling, and if Morgana finds it strange, she does not say anything. Each morning, when Gwen set the new flowers into water, Morgana smiled brilliantly at her, and each morning, the smile was stronger, and it wormed deeper into Gwen's heart. She held those smiles in her mind all day, to keep from minding the menial labours that were a handmaiden's life. 

For Gwen, it could easily have stayed like that. She was not one to reach above her station, and she could convince herself that she loved Merlin if she wanted to. But she didn't really want to, and so she let her flirtations with him fade into a comfortable friendship. Even that, Gwen could have convinced herself she was happy, or at least satisfied. She loved Morgana, but she had no illusions about her mistress caring for her as anything more than a servant and companion. But as that first week passed into the second and then a third and fourth, Gwen noticed that Morgana's smiles were different than she remembered. There was something secret in Morgana's eyes, something that Gwen had not seen before. 

"Gwen," Morgana would say to her as she made for the door after drawing the blankets up over her Lady's slender form, and when she turned, Morgana would give her that sad, secret smile, and Gwen's heart would break just a little bit more. 

"Good night, M'Lady," Gwen would say, and Morgana's sea green eyes would grow even sadder, and her smile would fade. 

"Good night," Morgana would say, and her voice, though little more than a whisper, would curl around Gwen's heart and tug painfully. Gwen would curtsey and close the door, then lean against it and choke back the sobs that threatened to overwhelm her, because she knew something was terribly wrong, but she didn't know how to fix it.

In the morning, things always seemed brighter. Gwen brought flowers as always, and Morgana smiled at her, that sweet girlish smile, so brave and innocent. Gwen loved and hated that smile. It curled in her center, warmed her like fire and spiced wine never could. But it was also a heavy thing, reminding her that she had no business memorizing the soft curve of Morgana's waist beneath her hands as she tightened the laces of the Lady's gown.


End file.
